Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

Or something like that… 🙂

*walks into a faceful of cobweb*

*frantically flails arms to clear head space and face* Ah! Blegh!

*sees all the other cobwebs*

Why, hello there.

It certainly looks like I’ve been gone a wee bit too long, yet I don’t see it ending any time soon.

I just stumbled onto the phase of my writing where my brain’s screaming and my fingers absolutely refuse to write another word on the story, which then just makes my brain throw hissy fits. I figured I’ll shove that particular story voice into a nice, big, dark closet for a bit of a time-out before it escalates any further and come dust in here a little bit…

Figured I’ll ponder a few things while I’m at it. I just hadn’t expected this much dust. *squeak-sneezes*

*snags some tissue*

*draws a deep breath*

*sneezes again* Okay, no deep breaths. Not without a mask.

First things first: DAD.

My last post mentioned my father being in the hospital, and he was for a couple of days. During those couple days and for a few more days after that, I suffered too many panic attacks to function properly. I think I actually made myself sick(er) there for a bit, slept something like 36 hours, and then got back up to continue with this thing called ‘life’ – the four-letter word that has a tendency to screw one over more than the word “fuck.” How’s that for a kicker in the guts? 🙂

All I can pass onto you are my father’s words, “Don’t worry. It’s nothing. I’m all right.”

Bitworks will be the first one to tell you this: “Asking this woman not to worry is the equivalent of asking her to stop breathing. If she actually had a middle name, it would be worry. Actually, no, her first middle name would be ‘Stress’ followed by her second middle name ‘Worry.’ She doesn’t know how not to do that despite all the effort she’s put into trying to learn how not to.”

So, according to him, my name would sound something like this: Lavender Stress Worry Wynter.

I don’t know. I kinda like the ring of it. Need one of those random letters though:

Lavender Stress N. Worry Wynter.

There ya go. XD

But Bitworks’ got a point. Every time I hear someone I know on Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter is sick, I want to mail him/her this giant fruit basket, although I think only a few of them would eat it. Too many pizza (and meat) lovers to actually want fruit, methinks. I’m not all too sure about the vegetarian ones, but I suppose even vegetarians can be picky about fruit. *chuckles*

That was really awful humor.

I’ve somehow unlearned humor in the last 3 months. Not sure how that happened, but it did. I blame it on a few factors, actually.

  1. Donald Trump is running for president.
  2. Hillary Clinton isn’t behind bars, and she’s running for president.
  3. Who the fuck let Sarah Palin out of the looney bin again?
  4. I’m not sure what Bernie Sanders is smoking, but I think it should be banned.
  5. Ted Cruz makes me grind my teeth, and that’s absolutely horrible for my dental visits.
  6. USAF used to have smart people running it. When the fuck did they drop the ‘intelligent’ requirement?

Do not ask me to clarify anything. I’ll give myself an ulcer on a rant that I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear. 🙂

FYI, I don’t read the news, yet I still manage to hear news about these people. Probably because Bitworks does, and I have to ask every time he head bangs the dining table. *grimace* It’s a miracle the man hasn’t knocked over his coffee by accident. *chuckle* He probably has it perfected into an art… the not-knocking-over-coffee skill.

The most enjoyable news I’ve heard ALL YEAR is the 90th birthday celebration of Queen Elizabeth II. Happy Belated Birthday, Your Majesty. May the blessings to you and yours continue.

*extends a Swiffer cleaning pole* As for me… there’s the usual managing-husband thing (although lately it’s more the husband managing me) and the herding of kids. I mentioned previously that I was depressed. It still runs its course, but I’m happy to say that the good days are starting to outnumber the bad, which is… ’bout damn time, right? I think I’m climbing out of the pit as the weather warms.

Next thing on the list to kick my ass? Allergies. Yay, Spring.

My love for winter is still strong as always, but this past season had been difficult. I had a hard time dealing with the cold, and even when it was far from freezing, my limbs felt lethargic and cold, which was highly unusual. I didn’t wear my cashmere sweater more than five times last year, but this year, I had it on me pretty much even before the temperatures dipped and didn’t stop wearing it until the weather climbed into the 40s. That worried Bitworks.

Me… who wears shorts in 30 degree weather (Fahrenheit. In Celcius, that’s -1 to 1) to take a stroll up to the mailbox and back was in fleece-lined sweat pants and double-layer coats for the same walk this past winter.

I really wasn’t feeling well. Due to this – and the doctor couldn’t find anything, I had to cut my voluntary job as a reviewer over at Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words.

Probably just the stress. That was most people’s theory.

Aside from Husband and Kids, every available minute is dumped into writing. I barely check social media (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr). Right now, I’ve got three stories going:

 

  • Bleach x Jujironkirin Novel-length fanfic. (There are 3 versions of this, at 40k words each, as I continue to juggle the task of creating characters.)
  • Bleach – Kisuke x Byakuya fanfic, part 2, that is a continuation of “An Unexpected Encounter” that will, hopefully, lead me to the story I’ve been putting together where Byakuya and Hisana cross paths once more after the whole Thousand Year Blood War Arc finishes as I need to know the people still left standing. (Word count currently sitting at 5k.)
  • Bleach – Kisuke x Yoruichi fanfic that takes place after Aizen’s Winter War. However, this one might merge with the first fanfic on this list. We’ll see. (Current word count, 8900 words.)

 

I’m also drawing out Closet Souls Chronicles Book 2 – Ash and Callie in preparation for November’s National Novel Writing Month that I was forced to skip last year due to the hectic schedule. This one is going to be as big of a task as the Bleach x Jujironokirin fanfic… if not bigger. It probably will be, knowing me.

So there it is, what I’ve been up to. I’m not typically this obsessed with my writing life, but I got only one fanfic and one original written in 2015 (a novelette at that). I didn’t like that, and I’m sure somewhere in here is me trying too hard to compensate for lost time, but I need it. I’m losing myself in my head from it being so cluttered.

I hope all of you are doing well in 2016. It’s a tough year. I have a feeling it’s going to get tougher. Hang in there. If you need anything, I’m always reachable by email!

Much love & Welcome to Spring!

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I’ve Been Quiet.

I know. A little too quiet, in fact.

It’s not that I didn’t want to write something long before now, but looking back at the history of the posts, it seems like I had a lot of ranting to do, mostly about family, and I get sick of writing those.

I’ve also been horribly depressed. I’ve been overwhelmed even before 2015 ended, and it almost seemed like the moment that clock settled at 00:00:00 on 1/1/2016, stress fractures appeared in one giant weave in my world, and it’s left me scrambling to make sure I can patch them before more showed up. Last thing I want is for the sky to fall on me.

January to March is the accumulation of:

  • 4 strep cases (children).
  • 1 bronchitis infection that triggered asthma (myself).
  • 1 stomach flu (son, on Spring Break no less).
  • 5 cases of cold/flu.
  • And a few more things.

.

Then it’s April. First thing this month is my father having to check himself into the hospital yesterday. He’ll be discharged Saturday.

.

He’s alone. So much is balanced on that man’s shoulders that his health is failing. And I’m terrified. Half the world away, I can’t do anything. I can’t cook for him, stay with him… help him in any way, shape, or form.

Except the stupid 5 minute phone calls I make to ask how he’s doing.

He’s my father. In my veins flow his blood. Anybody who knows my father and knows me never fails to comment that I’m a chip off his block. I don’t just look like him. I’ve got his personality traits. We may not talk, but I get him, I suspect, in the same way he gets me. Our father-daughter times, few in number, were always special and different from when he’s around my mother or my brother. I know. I can sense it.

Introverts connect more non-verbally than verbally. That’s the thing that my mother and my brother has trouble with, being extroverts that they are.

I think that’s why he’s had so much more success with raising me from a distance than my brother. Once you figured out how someone thinks and acts, it’s not difficult to understand what he/she’ll say or do even before the words are even uttered or the action carried through. It’s the little things.

So when I say I’m terrified…

I. Am. Terrified.

*sighs*

If anybody needs me, I’ll be reachable by email. ❤