I’ve Been Quiet.

I know. A little too quiet, in fact.

It’s not that I didn’t want to write something long before now, but looking back at the history of the posts, it seems like I had a lot of ranting to do, mostly about family, and I get sick of writing those.

I’ve also been horribly depressed. I’ve been overwhelmed even before 2015 ended, and it almost seemed like the moment that clock settled at 00:00:00 on 1/1/2016, stress fractures appeared in one giant weave in my world, and it’s left me scrambling to make sure I can patch them before more showed up. Last thing I want is for the sky to fall on me.

January to March is the accumulation of:

  • 4 strep cases (children).
  • 1 bronchitis infection that triggered asthma (myself).
  • 1 stomach flu (son, on Spring Break no less).
  • 5 cases of cold/flu.
  • And a few more things.

.

Then it’s April. First thing this month is my father having to check himself into the hospital yesterday. He’ll be discharged Saturday.

.

He’s alone. So much is balanced on that man’s shoulders that his health is failing. And I’m terrified. Half the world away, I can’t do anything. I can’t cook for him, stay with him… help him in any way, shape, or form.

Except the stupid 5 minute phone calls I make to ask how he’s doing.

He’s my father. In my veins flow his blood. Anybody who knows my father and knows me never fails to comment that I’m a chip off his block. I don’t just look like him. I’ve got his personality traits. We may not talk, but I get him, I suspect, in the same way he gets me. Our father-daughter times, few in number, were always special and different from when he’s around my mother or my brother. I know. I can sense it.

Introverts connect more non-verbally than verbally. That’s the thing that my mother and my brother has trouble with, being extroverts that they are.

I think that’s why he’s had so much more success with raising me from a distance than my brother. Once you figured out how someone thinks and acts, it’s not difficult to understand what he/she’ll say or do even before the words are even uttered or the action carried through. It’s the little things.

So when I say I’m terrified…

I. Am. Terrified.

*sighs*

If anybody needs me, I’ll be reachable by email. ❤

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