The Hospital & PTSD

I never knew America could ruin my emotional well-being to such a degree. I live in fear when it comes to my children, and I’m sick and tired of the northeast – New Jersey and Pennsylvania – and the surrounding states.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s beautiful out here, but that applies only to the land. I’m hesitant to say that about the people I have to deal with, and definitely not a shred of the politics. I am also sick and tired of the west coast as well – places like California and Colorado – who with all their people of Holier-Than-Thou concepts and laws have corporations as dirty as the Drug Cartels.

Actually, I think the Drug Cartels may still be more upstanding than these corporations. And they have better healthcare and benefits than we do by about a thousand times…

*deep breath*

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Closet Souls Chronicles is No More

This isn’t an April Fool’s Joke.

The characters Trent and Chase will always be with me. Unfortunately for the series, the characters Callie and Ash were supposed to be the main characters, and due to some things in my life and the people those two were based on, I can’t continue. I’ll make myself physically sick if I do, so I said goodbye to them last night. This morning, I stripped their existence off my blog.

Trent and Chase will probably come back in the future somewhere else. Maybe even Callie and Ash, but the latter set of characters will most likely be those one-liners or behind-the-curtain people.

I’m quite done with bashing myself up trying to get their stories going when I feel this beaten up, and it’s been going on for a long while now.

Not sure where I’m going to go from here, but I’ll figure it out.

Happy April. I don’t celebrate the juvenile tendencies that summarizes April 1st.

 

March

March has ended. Spring is supposedly here, but I don’t think that’s what I’m seeing outside my windows, be honest with you. It’s currently rainy and dreary, and the temperature is at 40ºF (4.44ºC). Despite the cold weather, wet as it is, all the annoying problems affiliated with Spring is back with a vengeance. Things like… allergies, mosquitoes, all these people whining about how it’s Spring and the weather isn’t in the 70s.

I’m glad it’s not in the 70s, thank you very much, but I would have liked for the rain to be held off to… say… April.

So… what’s been going on with me? Been a small list, actually.

First and foremost: Chinese Blog. It is, as you probably guessed, written in Chinese. Some of you may know that Chinese has two variations. There is Traditional Chinese – used by Hong Kong and Taiwan; and Simplified Chinese – used by the majority of the world. Since I’m Taiwanese and all, the blog is written in Traditional Chinese. Personally, Traditional Chinese looks about 2 million times more beautiful than Simplified.

Why, you might ask, am I doing this?

Because it’s my native language. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my experiences with English, but I need more diversity in my writing and reading materials, so I’m going back to my roots and working on that particular part of my background.

While there is a translate feature on the blog, I promise you it would look like someone put the English language into the pulverizing machine. Seriously.

Secondly, my brother’s in the country. Yup. *head thuds on table* *sighs*He’s here for a GRE Program…

I wish I could say the kid has grown in the year he’s been gone, and he has, just not a whole lot. If you put where he needed to be about a mile away, then he probably grew a foot, and that’s not taking into consideration the extra foot that will get added onto the mile as time passes because people are supposed to grow. *wince*

I love my brother. I don’t want to see him fail, but as I have told Bitworks, I’m ready for him to fail, just this once so he knows that picking up the pieces is going to be a painful process, and it is a real “do or die” mental concept, something he still doesn’t truly understand.

Oh look, a run-on sentence. That is pretty much how I feel when it comes to him. Bitworks worries about me whenever the notion that my brother is coming because I get stressed out. I’ve looked out for this kid since I was a kid myself (even when I was in a crap-hole during a lot of those times), and it had been difficult. A lot of my physical and energy is constantly drained because he’s a member of the family. His problems are our problems. It’s hard. It really is.

Third, I’m not currently writing. Here’s why:

books

See all those (traditional) Chinese novels and manga? My parents sent them with my brother when he came. Since my brother departs for Taiwan in late May, I’ve got until then to read all the new books at least once to make sure there isn’t a printing error. If there is, then they need to go back with him so my parents can ask for replacements from the publisher/bookstore. Since I’m unable to read Chinese as quickly as I read English, this is going to take a lot of time. Therefore, my writing has been put on hold until the once over has been completed.

For all of you curious, yes, that is Bleach manga. I don’t have the final volumes yet, but I will get them next year when I go home. I also have the entire series of Naruto that are in Taiwan slated for that third empty shelf (that I currently have the children’s books borrowing space on for Christmas 2017). My collection is slowly growing. Positively overjoyed!

I hope all of you are doing well. My presence on social media has dramatically dwindled due to the lack of time, but I am still around and stalking all of you. Don’t hesitate to drop me a line, an email, or a bump.

Happy Spring! ❤

 

A Teeny Bit ‘o Update

Happy belated St. Patrick’s Day. It’s an interesting celebration, to say the least, because what happens here in the United States is, according to hubby, nothing like what goes on in Ireland. He told me his family in Ireland will typically attend church twice on St. Patrick’s Day, and there’s usually a pot luck dinner afterwards. It’s very quiet. There isn’t a whole lot about drinking.

There certainly isn’t something as crass as Coors Light “hosting” St. Patrick’s Day. That’s like having Bud Light host Oktoberfest. Blasphemy!

Anyway, I actually started blogging in Chinese in the month of March. The objective is to have something for my mother to follow along on and for me to practice my Chinese, but I have yet to give her the link as I haven’t a clue if she knew how to go to websites. Apps she knows how to navigate somewhat, but a website might be beyond her.

I do feel bad about blogging in Chinese because Bitworks can’t read it. I’ve never really written or held anything he couldn’t read, so I think from now on, I might have to do a double post. One in Chinese over on my Chinese blog and then a translation of that post over here. So if you start seeing back-log showing up (before the post date of this post), that’s because I’m working on translating the things over there to over here.

This is a rather time consuming process.

Just a heads up. I haven’t abandoned this blog. I’m just rather busy. I mean, seriously, I make it onto social media twice a week now if I’m lucky. Sheesh.

I think I’ve been forgotten, be honest with you. XD

At the end of February

That means I’m another year older. A great many thank you to friends who texted, posted, reblogged, and private-messaged me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ❤

If you are not one of those people, do not fret. 90% chances are, you didn’t know. I somewhat made sure of that. As social media and various applications become more sophisticated, there are a lot of things we can share with our friends, acquaintances, and the network goes on. Birthdays, addresses, phone numbers, locations, email address, likes, dislikes, you name it, it’s got a nice little space for it.

I know I’m not a memorable person. I was never popular. I’m difficult to like, mostly because I’m difficult to get close to and actually keep tabs on a regular basis. I’m an introvert. That’s part of my genetic DNA.

In 2015, on my birthday in February, I received a total of about 16 messages online between Facebook and various other places I actually had my birthday listed all wishing me a Happy Birthday. The birthday wishes in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. Unfortunately, out of the 16 birthday messages, only about 4 people were my “actual friends” who remembered that it was my birthday and not because an app reminded them.

I didn’t have a single problem replying an ecstatic “THANK YOU! ❤ ❤ ” in return for those, but the remaining 12 broiled me in ire and turned my guts with disgust. I was never one for volume, and I hardly considered most of these people as a friend. We knew of each other because we attended the same school. That’s it.

I stripped my birthday from the internet and have since passed my birthday last year and this year in peace and quiet with my favorite people and activities I enjoy (and not ever returning to messages I feel obligated to reply to instead of inspired to reply to).

If you’re reading this and feel awkward, upset, or otherwise unhappy that you missed the opportunity to wish me a “happy birthday” because you didn’t know when it was, feel free to private message me anywhere or even send me an email. Honest to god, it’s a birthday… Not that special.

But here’s something interesting.

I have a classmate from high school who share the same birthday as me. Not only that, we are both Taiwanese. He’s from the north of the island, and I’m from the south. We came together as classmates in Southeast Asia of all places.

One of the things I like to say to him on his birthday (and mine) is: Another year wiser. Happy Birthday!

Personally, I don’t feel very wise. I actually feel more like a clog in a machine at the moment. Like millions of people around the world, last year had been difficult for this family. We, unlike many working class folk, are a single-income family – traditionally what it was like back in the 70s and 80s, but considered a rare species from the 1990s onward. Therefore, even the slightest change in groceries and property tax costs quickly becomes a staggering issue when it came to family finances. We have debt that seems never ending.

But we keep striving.

I hope January and February – barring politics – have been fruitful and filled with good tidings for all of you. While we don’t know if Lady Winter and Lady Spring are having a duel over here in the northeast part of the United States, I wish you all good health and safety in the middle of strange weather that has brought about a lot of storms.

With much love, Wynter. ❤

2016 Reflections

2016… A year where too much life happened and none of my personal goals got accomplished.

I recall about this time last year that I couldn’t wait for 2016 to get here. I was all ready for 2015 to end and believed that 2016 will be better…utterly forgetting the lesson that things can always be worse.

It has been, in general, a difficult year for just about everyone. Therefore, saying that I’ve struggled isn’t news. I suppose it should be obvious from the lack of blog posts that I just haven’t been around much online. In fact, I spent most of the year in hiatus.

Then in November, I nearly left the internet for good. I returned about a week ago, and even now, I have to tell myself to check social network to see what my friends have been up to.

Since I haven’t really posted anything, here are some things that happened in 2016.


*New Family Members*

2016 wasn’t all bad. This year, I discover my love of cats, and I have come to the very-young-very-general conclusion that I may be more of a cat person than a dog person. We have entertained the idea of having a pet dog as part of the family, but the decision for that has been pushed time and time again. The reasons were many, but the most important one was that I simply didn’t have the time and energy to take care of an animal on top of my children. I wasn’t entirely sure I could afford to either. I don’t like small dog breeds. I prefer the bigger ones like Huskies and Retrievers, but nothing the size of Dalmatians or Great Danes. I love Samoyed dogs too, so there’s that. However, we weren’t looking to buy from a breeder. Rescue shelters rarely have purebreds, and I just didn’t think I have it in me to bring in a dog that may not bond well with the children.

Then in March, this black cat who looked completely pregnant showed up at our door, probably just passing by and just happened to catch Bitworks outside. Bitworks popped his head in to tell me that there’s a starving cat outside, and I didn’t need to be told again. I immediately opened up the cabinet with our spare dog and cat food and tore open a can for her.

Thus began the journey of getting the mother cat back to a healthy weight. We fed her every day, three times a day, like clockwork. We even tried to make beds and a home for her to have her kittens, but she chose to have them elsewhere. In fact, she might have even just dropped them by the time she showed up at our door.

A source of food secured from gullible humans (me), she started coming by everyday. Then in the last week of April, I found her outside with five kittens. I was beside myself with adoration and excitement.

They were adorable. My heart melted.

Unfortunately, two of the five didn’t come back a week later, leaving the mother with a gray one with white paws, a solid black one like herself, and a black one with white paws. The black one with white paws, unfortunately, got stuck in a neighbor’s fence and had passed away there. Bitworks found the boy and buried it.

Eventually the mother left the kitties after they were raised and were supposed to be able to fend for themselves. Since the kittens were shown that food could be found at our house since they could begin eating solids, they never went anywhere else and began sleeping and spending time here. Just like that, the two kittens adopted us as their family. Actually, it would be more accurate to say they tolerated us.

Three months ago, they started warming up to us, sitting down on our door mat and doing little actions like rolling on the floor in front of us and batting at the door when we stood on the other side. We started buying toys, cat treats, and one night, I started calling them by names.

The gray one with white paws is named “Charcoal.” His sister, the solid black one, is called “Shadow.”

About six weeks ago, we managed to get a scratch in, and I marveled at their soft fur. Charcoal began mewing for Bitworks and he would purr for me. Shadow never truly came out of her shell. She likes the treats well enough, will tolerate 3 strokes of scratching from me at most at random times, and likes to scratch against the glass of our screen door. Charcoal, however, has been quite the affectionate kitten, begging for scratches and strokes wherever Bitworks or I show up at the door, wanting to be rubbed head to where his tail began, over and over, as much as we would.

Our time spent doing so is limited to how cold the weather was.

As the temperature began dropping, Bitworks and I scrambled to fend for our two new additions. At first we had one of the children’s old play huts set up with baskets lined with pillows and a fleece throw the children no longer used to help them retain their body heat. Then we bought them each a heat mat to go on top of that when the weather started dipping into the 30s and 40s, but none of that helped with the freezing wind.

Over the last two weeks, we used CPVC piping and some 4mil plastic sheeting and created for them a temporary home that could easily house their sleeping baskets and would keep the rain, snow, and wind off them at night.

When it’s dry outside and the sun is shining, they’ll be in our neighbor’s yard sunning themselves. When it’s cold, windy, and wet, they’re in their house outside hiding from the cold and baking on their heating mats.

I haven’t a clue if they’re happy. I just hope for now they’re more comfortable as Bitworks and I design a more permanent house for them next, complete with scratching posts, climbing poles, toys on the inside, and (maybe) even a heater to keep them warm.

We’re now officially a family of six. If we were to ever leave, these cats are coming with us.


*The One(s) I Lost*

The animal front wasn’t all smiles, giggles, ooohs, and aaahs.

faith1Between end of July and beginning of August, a starving dog by the name of Faith (picture left) showed up in our backyard sniffing at the scraps of food we tossed out. A couple of years ago, we started a compost heap for ourselves by using the vegetable and fruit peels we get from our preparation and cooking. Of course, the deer and other wildlife likes to partake from that pile, so our compost has yet to be successful *laugh*. That’s all right, we don’t mind.

The problem with buying food like rotisserie chicken is our inability to finish it all in time. We’ll have it for dinner, save the breast section for things like chicken pasta, wraps, or curry, but even then, we can’t finish it all. I will collect the parts we couldn’t finish and Bitworks would put them outside for the wild animals down by our stream.

It was in this pile of food he found Faith. He came inside to tell me, “Honey, there’s a starving dog outside eating in our scrap pile.”

I dropped everything I was washing, cleaned my hands off with a rag and dashed outside to look. I had Bitworks grab some snacks first to entice her closer, and then had him open up a can of dog food that, as usual, I stock in the pantry. Don’t worry, I buy new ones every year because I put dog and cat food out for the wildlife when the weather dips into the single digits. It’s horribly against the rules, but when they look so cold and hungry…

*sighs*

Faith ate 3 cans of dog food, starved for god knows how long. As you can tell from her picture above, that dog had nothing on her but skin. I’m sure you can also tell from those udders of hers, she recently had puppies.

I was frantic. Where were they? Are they all right? How has she been providing when she’s starved to this point?

We fed as much as we thought was safe. The problem with feeding dogs starved to the point of death is the risk of vomiting. If they eat too much all at once, they will just throw it all back up, which hurts them more than it helps them. After the third can (I buy the little cans, not the big ones) and her attempt to eat the spoon I was scooping out her food with, I had to tell her, all the while having my heart break into tiny pieces that I can’t give her any more. I told her to come back later, that I will give her some more, but she will have to wait and let her body adjust to food once more.

We saw her again the next day, and the next day she ate two cans with a little bit of dry dog food mixed in to soften up. Clearing me out of all the stocked cans I had, I rushed to Walmart to buy some more. That night, Bitworks had been up late with work, and at about 1am, he heard something at the door.

Opening, he saw her, a dead puppy in her mouth. By the time he could get shoes on and go out to help her, Faith was gone, the puppy gone with her. He woke me up to tell me this, and the following day, I got dressed, hosed myself down with mosquito repellent, and walked my entire neighborhood through the woods and into the streams and muddy banks looking for Faith and a possible location she might have had puppies. If one died, chances are, the others are in poor condition. How could they be healthy when the mother looked like that pictured above? She didn’t have anything for herself. There wasn’t a way she could feed her puppies.

I never found where Faith had birthed her puppies despite an entire day from when the children left for school and their return. My neighbor found her huddled under one of my neighbor’s porches and carried her back and put her in a cage. After much debate, I put a leash on Faith and with her leading, tried to find her puppies, crawling through briar brush and Holly bushes because that’s what Faith recognized. When 8pm came around, we still hadn’t found her puppies, and she kept trying to go into places I physically couldn’t fit into or through.

Knowing she had puppies, I decided to let Faith go so she could return to them. I hoped, like how the mother cat had kept returning and eventually brought her kittens with her, Faith will do the same. We offered her food. We will take care of her and her puppies. I hoped she understood that.

Our neighbor had also seen Faith during those days we searched for her, and we managed to get the collar off her to find a telephone number. The owner took 2 days to get back to us, and when he was told that Faith had puppies, he claimed he had puppies at home with him. He claimed that they had adopted Faith from a shelter.

BULLSHIT. Shelters aren’t allowed to let pets get adopted without them being fixed. If she had been adopted from a shelter, she shouldn’t have been able to have puppies.

He didn’t seem to care, and he told my neighbor that the dog had been missing for three weeks and that they had been searching for her. That’s why she looked starved.

I just want to go on official record that a dog looking that emaciated isn’t starved for 3 weeks. My father-in-law used to be a breeder. He also used to be a cop. He has seen his fair share of animal abuse and rescued quite a few, and he told us that for a dog, a healthy dog, to be that emaciated, it meant she was starved for at least 6 weeks, maybe more.

I lost my sh!t.

We alerted the authorities, handed over the pictures of Faith that I took, and I even handed over all the pictures I took of the owner’s car (license plate makes it very easy to find people) and his face when he came by to talk to our neighbor (he didn’t realize I was taking them, I’m sure). I was throwing that asshole into the meat grinder. I didn’t give a bloody damn how nice he claims he and his family are.

The cops had a solid case with our pictures, and the man apparently had multiple dogs in his house. Whether they were all in the same condition as Faith, I don’t know, and this wasn’t something we could ask. All I know from the vine (since we do work with the cops) is that he lost all his dogs, was slapped with an $800 fine and let go.

Justice, ladies and gentlemen, was not served.

I never saw Faith again after that day I followed her trying to find her puppies. I didn’t know if she lived or died, nor do I know if any of her puppies survived. For 2 months we kept an eye out for Faith, for sounds of puppy yips, hoping that she will return to us, hoping that we could keep her and her puppies and give them a good, warm home full of love and potentially rambunctious children who would most likely want to sleep with the dogs in their beds.

I never forgave myself for letting her go that night. In a bid to save them all, I lost them all. But I couldn’t live with myself for leaving them to die either. I didn’t know what to do. I made a choice. Was it the right choice?

I may never know. I still cry when I think about her, and this little bump in the road made it impossible for me to write for a while. I was too depressed to put words to paper.


*Writing*

If anyone actually read my blog entries from the past, you might remember I had fanfiction projects in the works. They were all scrapped in May. It was a little before the time around AF Henley’s blog tour for the novel Wolf, en Garde that the notion of completely stepping away from fanfiction struck me.

At the end of March going into April, I suddenly had a whole slew of new characters appearing in my head, but I hadn’t the slightest clue what to do with them or where to go. At that time, they were slated for half-original, half-fanfiction projects that I had announced.

The more I worked at the story line, the more irritated I became. I was tired of fanfiction. I wanted something original, something mine, like Trent and Chase, Ash and Callie. I wanted something I could mix with those four paranormal characters (actually, only 3 of them are paranormal. Chase isn’t, but I do love him the most of the four, oddly enough).

As I followed Henley through his blog tour, ideas that had already been bouncing in my head began to solidify and give me some sense of direction as to what I wanted to do and where it is I wanted to go. It gripped me so hard that I actually didn’t read Wolf, en Garde in the same type of time space I usually do: Twice in the first three days following its release.

That’s because the notion of wanting to be publish caught me by the ankles and dragged me into a different space altogether. It’s not going to be tomorrow or next year, but it’s not an impossible dream.

From my trip home last year, my reading material took a directional change. I didn’t look to general fantasy novels anymore, and the m/m erotica took a solid backseat in that I no longer read them unless they were written by Henley. I began reading in Chinese, re-learning my native language, and started on the journey of writing in Chinese.

That was the most fun I’ve had in years.

I took the characters in my head and began looking at making them completely original – my own world, rules, and with Bitworks’ undying support, began putting the pieces together. But it wasn’t enough.

My current characters suddenly brought another set of characters, the people that are there before my current characters. If I have to use an example, the best one I can draw from is Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit. I had characters to play in my version of LOTR, and those characters brought forth the characters for the story that happened in the Hobbit.

Like Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, some of these characters are going to overlap because some races do live for a very long time – from 300 years to as much as 5,000. Some are even able to achieve immortality.

I went back to the drawing board and started a new folder for this, and suddenly, this story had all my attention. Setting up the world – people, places, history, etc, and figuring out how the story unfolds and would have affected my first set of original characters had been a huge task that I hadn’t expected to take on this year, but take on I did.

And I slated this for the National Novel Writing Month this year that I promised I will participate in. Unfortunately, I think this might be the last time I do so. Cranking out that many words in one month exhausted me, especially when I had to spend 3 hours every other day for the majority of the month hand-washing laundry. It was brutal. The challenge stopped being fun and became a task I wanted to give up on… and nearly did.

Despite the desire to give up, I continued to work at it until November 30. For about 10 days after the election, all I could add to my word count was a mere 200 words. It was discouraging. The last 10 days of the whole challenge, I made it over the writing slump and began putting out words in earnest.

A much-loved author of mine warned me not to overdo it, so as soon as December 1 came around, I took a week’s worth of break – more like 10 days, actually. No writing. No thinking about the story. No surfing the internet. Just give my hands and wrists a good chunk of time to recover from their abuse and my brain to stop hitting itself against a wall.

And just in time too. I had to wear wrist braces on some days to ensure my carpal tunnel didn’t flare up too much.

This project is currently on-going. I haven’t a clue how long it’ll be or how long it will take me. I only know that it’s slated to be a Chinese story, but it is being written in English first. When it’s finished, edited to my satisfaction, I’ll start translating it to Chinese. When that portion is done, I’ll start posting them in tandem.

Writing one story is challenging enough. Writing and translating is going to be interesting, but it’s a challenge I look forward to tackling.


*Site Renovation*

Some may have noticed, and others may not have, but a few things have changed around here. The Home Page has been re-written. It is more curt and direct and less playful. Part of it is due to this year’s experiences. I no longer have within me the capacity to be “cute” and “cuddly.”

“Break Me Into Pieces” is no longer accessible. It was a personal memoir written to help me get past a difficult time in my life. If you’ve read it, awesome. If you haven’t, then it’s not something you’ll be able to see at this point.

Adult stories on this site have been password locked. The passwords will be accessible to people who I already know are of legal age. As for other people, when y!gallery returns, you can verify your age with me through that website.

Some blog posts are going to be password locked as well. I’m not interested in sharing too much with people anymore. Not after this year’s social media fiasco.

My intro over at Tumblr have also changed. Some of you may have noticed that the tag “LGBTQ” has been removed in its entirety, not because I no longer support the community, but because I’ve been rather cross with the LGBTQ community in general (and the minorities too).

I won’t be getting into politics here, and most likely never will going forward. I have been disappointed in the people I’ve fought alongside and supported – many of them I consider friends. See, I got the feeling – before, during, and after the US Presidential Election – that whenever someone says “pro-LGBTQ,” that support should be, and is expected to be unconditional.

The only thing I have to say about that is this: My support wasn’t, isn’t, and will never be unconditional. I do apologize for that.

My values haven’t changed. My belief in the equality of rights to all people still holds strong and steady. I’m in this for equality, not for revenge or payback.

But if you start getting in my face and yelling at me through obnoxious images and one-sided arguments to choose between my children and you, I promise you, 10 times out of 10, I will choose my children. If you, as an LGBTQ member or a minority of the community also have children, and I get in your face about picking a side, I expect you to choose your kids over me. End of story. We all have to pick our battles, and for the same battles, we may end up on the same side or on opposite sides. The battleground isn’t black and white. Life is complicated.

Therefore, the only way to come out with the strength and dignity to fight another day is to be courteous and kind to one another. Our enemy is inequality. That’s a big enough fight without having all of us to turn on each other.

We all have a right to our opinions. We all have a right to choose whether we want to exercise a right or not without being chewed up, spit on, or nasty-grammed. That is all.


*Things I Didn’t Get To*

It is less than a week before Christmas. My decorations outside aren’t up. My tree is only decorated with lights. I didn’t mail out a single Christmas card, and I haven’t done a shred of Christmas shopping.

I am simply too tired and beaten up to care about it anymore.

2016 has been difficult. Will 2017 be different? I don’t know. I dare not hope that it will be better, but I know this: I’ve got new goals, and I look forward to achieving them next year.

I bid all of you a hopeful ending to 2016. I wish you all a grand and happy 2017.

This is my final post of the year. Thank you for sticking with me and helping me through. Good night, everyone.


❤ ❤ ❤

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

Or something like that… 🙂

*walks into a faceful of cobweb*

*frantically flails arms to clear head space and face* Ah! Blegh!

*sees all the other cobwebs*

Why, hello there.

It certainly looks like I’ve been gone a wee bit too long, yet I don’t see it ending any time soon.

I just stumbled onto the phase of my writing where my brain’s screaming and my fingers absolutely refuse to write another word on the story, which then just makes my brain throw hissy fits. I figured I’ll shove that particular story voice into a nice, big, dark closet for a bit of a time-out before it escalates any further and come dust in here a little bit…

Figured I’ll ponder a few things while I’m at it. I just hadn’t expected this much dust. *squeak-sneezes*

*snags some tissue*

*draws a deep breath*

*sneezes again* Okay, no deep breaths. Not without a mask.

First things first: DAD.

My last post mentioned my father being in the hospital, and he was for a couple of days. During those couple days and for a few more days after that, I suffered too many panic attacks to function properly. I think I actually made myself sick(er) there for a bit, slept something like 36 hours, and then got back up to continue with this thing called ‘life’ – the four-letter word that has a tendency to screw one over more than the word “fuck.” How’s that for a kicker in the guts? 🙂

All I can pass onto you are my father’s words, “Don’t worry. It’s nothing. I’m all right.”

Bitworks will be the first one to tell you this: “Asking this woman not to worry is the equivalent of asking her to stop breathing. If she actually had a middle name, it would be worry. Actually, no, her first middle name would be ‘Stress’ followed by her second middle name ‘Worry.’ She doesn’t know how not to do that despite all the effort she’s put into trying to learn how not to.”

So, according to him, my name would sound something like this: Lavender Stress Worry Wynter.

I don’t know. I kinda like the ring of it. Need one of those random letters though:

Lavender Stress N. Worry Wynter.

There ya go. XD

But Bitworks’ got a point. Every time I hear someone I know on Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter is sick, I want to mail him/her this giant fruit basket, although I think only a few of them would eat it. Too many pizza (and meat) lovers to actually want fruit, methinks. I’m not all too sure about the vegetarian ones, but I suppose even vegetarians can be picky about fruit. *chuckles*

That was really awful humor.

I’ve somehow unlearned humor in the last 3 months. Not sure how that happened, but it did. I blame it on a few factors, actually.

  1. Donald Trump is running for president.
  2. Hillary Clinton isn’t behind bars, and she’s running for president.
  3. Who the fuck let Sarah Palin out of the looney bin again?
  4. I’m not sure what Bernie Sanders is smoking, but I think it should be banned.
  5. Ted Cruz makes me grind my teeth, and that’s absolutely horrible for my dental visits.
  6. USAF used to have smart people running it. When the fuck did they drop the ‘intelligent’ requirement?

Do not ask me to clarify anything. I’ll give myself an ulcer on a rant that I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear. 🙂

FYI, I don’t read the news, yet I still manage to hear news about these people. Probably because Bitworks does, and I have to ask every time he head bangs the dining table. *grimace* It’s a miracle the man hasn’t knocked over his coffee by accident. *chuckle* He probably has it perfected into an art… the not-knocking-over-coffee skill.

The most enjoyable news I’ve heard ALL YEAR is the 90th birthday celebration of Queen Elizabeth II. Happy Belated Birthday, Your Majesty. May the blessings to you and yours continue.

*extends a Swiffer cleaning pole* As for me… there’s the usual managing-husband thing (although lately it’s more the husband managing me) and the herding of kids. I mentioned previously that I was depressed. It still runs its course, but I’m happy to say that the good days are starting to outnumber the bad, which is… ’bout damn time, right? I think I’m climbing out of the pit as the weather warms.

Next thing on the list to kick my ass? Allergies. Yay, Spring.

My love for winter is still strong as always, but this past season had been difficult. I had a hard time dealing with the cold, and even when it was far from freezing, my limbs felt lethargic and cold, which was highly unusual. I didn’t wear my cashmere sweater more than five times last year, but this year, I had it on me pretty much even before the temperatures dipped and didn’t stop wearing it until the weather climbed into the 40s. That worried Bitworks.

Me… who wears shorts in 30 degree weather (Fahrenheit. In Celcius, that’s -1 to 1) to take a stroll up to the mailbox and back was in fleece-lined sweat pants and double-layer coats for the same walk this past winter.

I really wasn’t feeling well. Due to this – and the doctor couldn’t find anything, I had to cut my voluntary job as a reviewer over at Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words.

Probably just the stress. That was most people’s theory.

Aside from Husband and Kids, every available minute is dumped into writing. I barely check social media (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr). Right now, I’ve got three stories going:

 

  • Bleach x Jujironkirin Novel-length fanfic. (There are 3 versions of this, at 40k words each, as I continue to juggle the task of creating characters.)
  • Bleach – Kisuke x Byakuya fanfic, part 2, that is a continuation of “An Unexpected Encounter” that will, hopefully, lead me to the story I’ve been putting together where Byakuya and Hisana cross paths once more after the whole Thousand Year Blood War Arc finishes as I need to know the people still left standing. (Word count currently sitting at 5k.)
  • Bleach – Kisuke x Yoruichi fanfic that takes place after Aizen’s Winter War. However, this one might merge with the first fanfic on this list. We’ll see. (Current word count, 8900 words.)

 

I’m also drawing out Closet Souls Chronicles Book 2 – Ash and Callie in preparation for November’s National Novel Writing Month that I was forced to skip last year due to the hectic schedule. This one is going to be as big of a task as the Bleach x Jujironokirin fanfic… if not bigger. It probably will be, knowing me.

So there it is, what I’ve been up to. I’m not typically this obsessed with my writing life, but I got only one fanfic and one original written in 2015 (a novelette at that). I didn’t like that, and I’m sure somewhere in here is me trying too hard to compensate for lost time, but I need it. I’m losing myself in my head from it being so cluttered.

I hope all of you are doing well in 2016. It’s a tough year. I have a feeling it’s going to get tougher. Hang in there. If you need anything, I’m always reachable by email!

Much love & Welcome to Spring!