While On Hiatus: Post 2

“Healing and Self-Knowledge: The Call of a Raven”

As I pulled the miles of ivy roots hand-over-hand out of the ground and grunted through the feeling of hands rubbed raw and carpal tunneled wrists pinging from hours of work already, a lone raven circles overhead to eventually come to a stop on the tree I was working under. It would caw at the surroundings for a full minute before taking off  and settling on another tree. More cawing. More circling and hitting the tree I was under, and it would do that for a good duration before going to wherever the rest of its brethren were congregating – most likely the roof of some poor home quarter of a mile north of where my house is. That was where they were two years ago. Directly across from my neighborhood park.

“Don’t overdo it, lass,” it seems to be saying to me. “This is supposed to be about healing.”

“Oh, I know,” I’ll reply back as I glance up. “And swinging this pick axe is quite stress relieving.”

“Surely, lass,” it would caw. “But you have young ‘uns. Remember to take care of you so you can take care of them.” (Have I mentioned I have quite the imagination and I often talk to the wildlife that meanders through when I think no one else can hear me? I have trouble with the deer, however, as they are quite skittish animals and run at the first sound that isn’t Mother Nature.)

With a grin and a crack of laughter, I thanked the bird for its concern and hefted the pick axe over my head as I chased a thorn bush root. Those bastard things are not allowed to linger in my yard. Not with young ‘uns around.

This lone Raven has been visiting me everyday I’ve worked outside. Everyday it will land on a tree close to me if a tree directly over me wasn’t an option. Every time it will caw. No other raven ever came to join it. For whatever nature’s reason this may be, I choose to take it symbolically.

For those of you who read/follow/dabble in the arts of spiritual animals and their symbolism, a raven signifies introspection and healing. There are others, of course – courage, self-knowledge, magic and mysticism, creation and rebirth, the keeper of secrets, and plenty others.

This Raven appeared exactly 2 days before I slammed the door on the world for a Hiatus. I haven’t felt the urge to come back yet, and this Raven lingers from one day to the next. I have something I am to accomplish for me, and it seems that as long as this Raven is around, I’m still on my journey of Healing and Learning-About-Me and am quite at peace with whatever it is I am doing for now – yard work, cooking, projects, writing, and planning. Lots of planning.

And coming to terms with a deed of the past that haunts me in the darkest of corners.

Yes, I am well aware the Raven might’ve just been hanging about to see if there was something edible it could snag from me. Unfortunately for it, I don’t typically have food outside when I work. All I have is a bottle of water cut with cranberry juice for the sugar kick. I sweat like a torrential downpour when I work during the Spring, Summer, and Fall months.

It’s not a coincidence I call myself Wynter. 🙂

There are numerous hawks in my area, and there is also an owl who I pay close attention to, also for symbolic purposes. I have an affinity for owls. The one that lives near by doesn’t always hoot during the daylight hours, but when it does at a time I can hear it, I learn to watch for things. Changes, it would warn, and those can either be good or bad.

So… where am I going with this?

Porn is such a big industry, isn’t it? One that entices millions every year. When I first joined Tumblr, I was in awe at how much accessibility – legally or illegally – this medium provided everybody uncensored everything. Sure, I followed a few of these risque blogs myself… until last night.

I’d gone and purged my list on Tumblr follows. I enjoy reading the Astrology things, Spiritual things, even magic and anime and fanfiction. I love the photography that graces me each day from various parts of the world that showed me there is something very much worth fighting for in the big picture. I love interacting with the friends I’ve made, and I love their blogs and the content their blogs bring – risque included. I’m just tired of all the other stuff. I don’t care about the fashion, about the models, about the nudity for the sake of nudity, about so much else. What ended up happening was how much time Tumblr was taking up because I’m scrolling through picture after picture of things I don’t care about.

Time that was better spent working outside or writing on the couch. I loving my Book 2 right now. I want to keep pushing with time that is now reclaimed from the depths of waste. Book 3 is already itching to get out of my head.

So now, with the exception of the pretty pictures my friends post on their blog, there are no more porn on my Dashboard, and having been back this morning to take a look at my handy work, I find myself smiling at the clean feeling of it all.

I was never a highly social person. I like keeping to the walls and in the shadows. I like seeing people. I get scared when people see me (but I’m working on this). I affect the world around me in subtle ways. Changing that makes my world hum an ugly tune, and it buries me.

Finding myself, right? I’m sure the Raven would caw its approval later. Today is too wet to be working outside thanks to the much needed rain last night. New Jersey has been dry this season, humidity levels barely scraping into the 20s (that’s in Percentage). Most days, it’s between 16-18%. Even now, after the rain, it is only registering at 33% humidity outside. Burlington county already lost 4 acres of forest to the fire that broke out. We are simply lucky in that we have seen plenty of rain thus far and the fire fighters have water to fight the flames with.

California and Oregon is not going to be so lucky this year. Keep your thoughts and prayers for these dry states. We are going to see a rise in produce prices as some of the big producers are getting a big hit from the weather. The years of plenty are giving way to years of little. It seems to be a lesson we’ve been long overdue for a revisit.

As the day dry out, I’ll probably be back outside on Thursday or Friday, through the weekend and to keep going. There will still be little of me to be seen online because we have trees to drop, playgrounds to budget and buy (or create depending on what the kids want), and a deck to go out back that I desperately want.

Until then, you can find me commenting and participating along with AF Henley’s Blog Tour that started this past Sunday (May 3) and will run for 13 individual days. As of today, his newest release – Baby’s On Fire – is now out and rockin’ it. Just be warned that it is an m/m romance novel that contains some explicit (tasteful) content. Pick it up on Amazon (Kindle | Paperback), Barnes and Noble, Less Than Three Press (Ebook | Paperback), or anywhere else you’d prefer. There is a lottery running tour wide where AF Henley will give the winner of the draw a SIGNED copy of his novel *crosses fingers and toes*, a gift card to Less Than Three Press, and a set of earrings. Drop on by. Try your luck.

Until next time.

~ Wynter ❤

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While On Hiatus – Post 1

Something can be said about being weary in just about every possible way. For me though, it doesn’t show physically (okay, maybe the use of profanity increases by something like 367%, but don’t quote me on that) to other people as much as finding me dropping the ball on some things.

Namely, the schedule.

My son is being assigned to a new school next year, and yesterday was an Open House event at 6pm – something I had looked forward to attending. I wanted to meet the new teachers, the counselors there, and introduce them to my family as I’m sure Catelyn will be attending the same school when it is her time to transition from Pre-K to Kindergarten. This was important in so many ways, and I dropped it, even after making special note on Monday that…

I have an OPEN HOUSE to attend.

I called a Hiatus on April 18th, this past Saturday, because that particular morning was the final straw that broke my proverbial back since this year had started. It was consistently one thing after another, and after too many nights of not getting a break and too many days of working to the bone, my brain’s had it.

Enough is enough, it called, when a tension headache the size of Alaska crash landed on the back of my head. I’m still nursing it, taking more Tylenol in this last week and a half than I have in about five years combined.

That’s saying something… 😐

The trip to New York and Niagara Falls never happened during the children’s Spring Break. Due to Hubby’s work, the schedule was switched to Delaware three days before Good Friday and there was nothing I could do about that. We had optioned not to put in Time Off for a personal family vacation so Bitworks could still do his job while I took the kids to explore various Castles and Forts.

That of itself is a headache – managing my two children on my own. They’re not one to listen to instructions (given by me) and prefer going in separate directions. While I’ve spent years wondering if it’ll make me a bad mother for wanting to tether them to me with 2 leashes while on outings (especially around large bodies of water or a steep slope), I haven’t yet because I’m so sick and tired of the frowns that other people have given other parents who have done somewhat of the same thing.

I have no problems letting my kids run loose and not chasing after them. They are to learn, much like the rest of us, that Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to come running for you when we need you. They return to me – to Home – and they will have their needs taken care of when they do. If I have to give chase, they lose privileges – like Tablet time or snacks. On some days, it was both. On others, it was both plus whatever else I can conjure up, like eating Ice Cream and not giving them any.

Some days, they lose all their toys. That usually involves fighting over a toy to the point they were pushing, hitting, and doing everything they can to hurt each other.

But I’m digressing.

The most stressful part of the children’s Spring Break was what happened on Wednesday Night when we were in Delaware. I’m not sure if Bitworks understands just how much I didn’t appreciate it, and I’m still stewing over it (thus magnifying the problem about a thousand times). It’s not often that I hold a grudge against Bitworks’ actions, but @#$%&, that one was just plain bad on my Pisces scale. It’ll be a while yet before I even work towards just shrugging it off.

And I’m rather forgiving on most things.

Can you believe that it’s Wednesday? I can’t. It’s been 4 days on hiatus, and I’m still working on getting myself to a mental space where I can focus on my writing. It’s slowly happening, here and there, but because I haven’t had a single moment to write productively for months (that post about Undisclosed Conversation being completed was it), all these ideas are fighting each other for some space, and I’m just a pent up ball of frustration and nervous tension that refuse to leave.

And all of that is bleeding into my muscles. I don’t remember having hurt this much in a long time. If ever. I’ll take giving birth to my 9lb 3oz daughter all by myself again… twice over… and following that up with my son’s 8lb 2oz birth over this.

Yup.

While this one isn’t a total Hiatus like I pulled last year, it is still a Hiatus. I don’t check social media. I’m only on Tumblr’s dashboard to check AF Henley’s Guest Post: “The Name of the Game Is…” and taking notes to the various Asks and Tag Games happening. I’ve been tagged twice, thus far, and will probably venture forth to posting my own answers and things sometime this week.

If you’re sitting there rolling your eyes at my obvious fangirl-ship at the altar of AF Henley, well, keep on rolling. There’ll be many more to come. 😛

This week, however, will find me going back to the Hythrun Chronicles Series. As a Beta Reader, I had agreed to do a review of The Lyre Thief coming out in 2016. I want to get the reviews up and running for the six books that came prior to the next Trilogy before tackling The Lyre Thief.

First though, is the writing, which is a struggle. It’s not that the words aren’t coming. My fingers hurt. I have to give them some time to heal before I abuse them on the keyboard as most of my cuticles are torn and split. Until then, it’s negotiation with my story ideas and fictional characters about who gets first dibs to go on paper. Hah! XD

I’m so glad people can’t hear my thoughts very well during these debates. XD

I’m reachable by Email (lav.wynter@gmail.com) but just so all of you know, I’m also reachable via all my social networking places that I haunt. If there’s a direct message, or I’ve been tagged, or anything that is related to being linked – Tumblr (Main Blog | Text Blog), Facebook, Twitter – they have all been set up with the service to notify me via Email… So I will get them.

I just hold no promises to my usual steadfastness in replying or returning the communication. I need to heal. I need to find myself again in this jumbled mess of existence.

⭐ ⭐ ⭐

I still think of you all, and love just as deeply. ❤