Unexpected Surgery

Greetings Friends and Passerbys,

As I write this (which would be a different time as you read it), there are a few things to take note of:

  1. I am writing on my new smartphone; therefore, excuse any mistakes you may find here.
  2. I am currently lying in a hospital bed. My surgery is tomorrow at around noon.
  3. I am currently in Taiwan, been here for 6 weeks, and my plans to return to the United States have been delayed from August 21st to probably August 31st.

Today has been a whirlwind of events, and I honestly have no idea how I got on this runaway train and when I will be getting off nor where.

Sometime in late July, I had a horrible case of what appeared to be (and felt like) acid reflux. My mother insisted I see her doctor, so I did. Then at that appointment, I had a blood test done because my mother loves knowing that we are all, for the most part, medically healthy.

Ah, mother’s love.

Before I go any further, I may or may not have mentioned that I haven’t been feeling well for a while. Five or so years to be exact. I was constantly exhausted and fatigued, unable to sleep, and I constantly suffered acid reflux, bloating, and constipation no matter what I tried with my diet. I tried taking magnesium and that helped a little. After a lot of research and extensive notes, I thought perhaps it had something to do with my thyroid.

I took what I recorded to the doctor. The office had me draw blood and do tests, but they told me nothing is wrong. Then I was sent home and that was that. Without a direction, I might as well be trying to mend myself in the dark with a black needle and black thread.

And duck tape only works for certain things…

Well, the test results take about a week. While we waited, the doctor opt to take a look inside my stomach. Yes, it involved a bit of numbing agent and a tube put down my throat into my stomach.

He told me that my stomach was fine. There is a little bit of irritation, but otherwise everything looked good.

I also told Bitworks that I now have official proof that my stomach wasn’t made up of disassembled Japanese world war 2 ships.

He says I bribed them for false proof. Go figure.

When the week was up, we went back for my test results and even the doctor was taken aback with the numbers.

The numbers for my liver function was off the charts nestled nicely somewhere among the stars.

I was automatically sent for a second blood test… This time for Hepatitis.

Then the doctor also scheduled me for an ultrasound to take a look at my liver.

On the day of the ultrasound, the blood tests also came back. I was negative for hepatitis A, B, and C. I also have Hepatitis B antibodies, which is awesome.

With all that ruled out, and the numbers for my liver function somewhat normal again but still elevated, he got curious and went hunting for my gallbladder.

And then the thing that I didn’t expect at all but knew there was a chance because of family history came to light:

I have gallstones of various sizes, the largest over an inch big. The next day, I returned for another doctor’s appointment with another specialist. Then in a whirlwind of about 40 minutes, I had a surgery appointment the next day, to be checked into the hospital immediately, and will be here for 3 days post-surgery if everything goes well without a hitch.

I suppose at this point it is a good thing that I am almost a vegetarian and dislike red meat with a royal passion. I also don’t like fried foods or greasy anything.

So for me to have 2 weeks of recovery time before an obscenely long flight back to Bitworks, my flight has been pushed back to end of August or the 1st of September. I am thinking August 31st, availability pending of course.

So that is the latest and greatest with me. I am working hard on not thinking about all this so I don’t suffer an anxiety attack.

Hope all of you are doing well.

Oh… Happy Ghost Month!

With much <3, Wynter.

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Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

Or something like that… 🙂

*walks into a faceful of cobweb*

*frantically flails arms to clear head space and face* Ah! Blegh!

*sees all the other cobwebs*

Why, hello there.

It certainly looks like I’ve been gone a wee bit too long, yet I don’t see it ending any time soon.

I just stumbled onto the phase of my writing where my brain’s screaming and my fingers absolutely refuse to write another word on the story, which then just makes my brain throw hissy fits. I figured I’ll shove that particular story voice into a nice, big, dark closet for a bit of a time-out before it escalates any further and come dust in here a little bit…

Figured I’ll ponder a few things while I’m at it. I just hadn’t expected this much dust. *squeak-sneezes*

*snags some tissue*

*draws a deep breath*

*sneezes again* Okay, no deep breaths. Not without a mask.

First things first: DAD.

My last post mentioned my father being in the hospital, and he was for a couple of days. During those couple days and for a few more days after that, I suffered too many panic attacks to function properly. I think I actually made myself sick(er) there for a bit, slept something like 36 hours, and then got back up to continue with this thing called ‘life’ – the four-letter word that has a tendency to screw one over more than the word “fuck.” How’s that for a kicker in the guts? 🙂

All I can pass onto you are my father’s words, “Don’t worry. It’s nothing. I’m all right.”

Bitworks will be the first one to tell you this: “Asking this woman not to worry is the equivalent of asking her to stop breathing. If she actually had a middle name, it would be worry. Actually, no, her first middle name would be ‘Stress’ followed by her second middle name ‘Worry.’ She doesn’t know how not to do that despite all the effort she’s put into trying to learn how not to.”

So, according to him, my name would sound something like this: Lavender Stress Worry Wynter.

I don’t know. I kinda like the ring of it. Need one of those random letters though:

Lavender Stress N. Worry Wynter.

There ya go. XD

But Bitworks’ got a point. Every time I hear someone I know on Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter is sick, I want to mail him/her this giant fruit basket, although I think only a few of them would eat it. Too many pizza (and meat) lovers to actually want fruit, methinks. I’m not all too sure about the vegetarian ones, but I suppose even vegetarians can be picky about fruit. *chuckles*

That was really awful humor.

I’ve somehow unlearned humor in the last 3 months. Not sure how that happened, but it did. I blame it on a few factors, actually.

  1. Donald Trump is running for president.
  2. Hillary Clinton isn’t behind bars, and she’s running for president.
  3. Who the fuck let Sarah Palin out of the looney bin again?
  4. I’m not sure what Bernie Sanders is smoking, but I think it should be banned.
  5. Ted Cruz makes me grind my teeth, and that’s absolutely horrible for my dental visits.
  6. USAF used to have smart people running it. When the fuck did they drop the ‘intelligent’ requirement?

Do not ask me to clarify anything. I’ll give myself an ulcer on a rant that I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear. 🙂

FYI, I don’t read the news, yet I still manage to hear news about these people. Probably because Bitworks does, and I have to ask every time he head bangs the dining table. *grimace* It’s a miracle the man hasn’t knocked over his coffee by accident. *chuckle* He probably has it perfected into an art… the not-knocking-over-coffee skill.

The most enjoyable news I’ve heard ALL YEAR is the 90th birthday celebration of Queen Elizabeth II. Happy Belated Birthday, Your Majesty. May the blessings to you and yours continue.

*extends a Swiffer cleaning pole* As for me… there’s the usual managing-husband thing (although lately it’s more the husband managing me) and the herding of kids. I mentioned previously that I was depressed. It still runs its course, but I’m happy to say that the good days are starting to outnumber the bad, which is… ’bout damn time, right? I think I’m climbing out of the pit as the weather warms.

Next thing on the list to kick my ass? Allergies. Yay, Spring.

My love for winter is still strong as always, but this past season had been difficult. I had a hard time dealing with the cold, and even when it was far from freezing, my limbs felt lethargic and cold, which was highly unusual. I didn’t wear my cashmere sweater more than five times last year, but this year, I had it on me pretty much even before the temperatures dipped and didn’t stop wearing it until the weather climbed into the 40s. That worried Bitworks.

Me… who wears shorts in 30 degree weather (Fahrenheit. In Celcius, that’s -1 to 1) to take a stroll up to the mailbox and back was in fleece-lined sweat pants and double-layer coats for the same walk this past winter.

I really wasn’t feeling well. Due to this – and the doctor couldn’t find anything, I had to cut my voluntary job as a reviewer over at Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words.

Probably just the stress. That was most people’s theory.

Aside from Husband and Kids, every available minute is dumped into writing. I barely check social media (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr). Right now, I’ve got three stories going:

 

  • Bleach x Jujironkirin Novel-length fanfic. (There are 3 versions of this, at 40k words each, as I continue to juggle the task of creating characters.)
  • Bleach – Kisuke x Byakuya fanfic, part 2, that is a continuation of “An Unexpected Encounter” that will, hopefully, lead me to the story I’ve been putting together where Byakuya and Hisana cross paths once more after the whole Thousand Year Blood War Arc finishes as I need to know the people still left standing. (Word count currently sitting at 5k.)
  • Bleach – Kisuke x Yoruichi fanfic that takes place after Aizen’s Winter War. However, this one might merge with the first fanfic on this list. We’ll see. (Current word count, 8900 words.)

 

I’m also drawing out Closet Souls Chronicles Book 2 – Ash and Callie in preparation for November’s National Novel Writing Month that I was forced to skip last year due to the hectic schedule. This one is going to be as big of a task as the Bleach x Jujironokirin fanfic… if not bigger. It probably will be, knowing me.

So there it is, what I’ve been up to. I’m not typically this obsessed with my writing life, but I got only one fanfic and one original written in 2015 (a novelette at that). I didn’t like that, and I’m sure somewhere in here is me trying too hard to compensate for lost time, but I need it. I’m losing myself in my head from it being so cluttered.

I hope all of you are doing well in 2016. It’s a tough year. I have a feeling it’s going to get tougher. Hang in there. If you need anything, I’m always reachable by email!

Much love & Welcome to Spring!

I’ve Been Quiet.

I know. A little too quiet, in fact.

It’s not that I didn’t want to write something long before now, but looking back at the history of the posts, it seems like I had a lot of ranting to do, mostly about family, and I get sick of writing those.

I’ve also been horribly depressed. I’ve been overwhelmed even before 2015 ended, and it almost seemed like the moment that clock settled at 00:00:00 on 1/1/2016, stress fractures appeared in one giant weave in my world, and it’s left me scrambling to make sure I can patch them before more showed up. Last thing I want is for the sky to fall on me.

January to March is the accumulation of:

  • 4 strep cases (children).
  • 1 bronchitis infection that triggered asthma (myself).
  • 1 stomach flu (son, on Spring Break no less).
  • 5 cases of cold/flu.
  • And a few more things.

.

Then it’s April. First thing this month is my father having to check himself into the hospital yesterday. He’ll be discharged Saturday.

.

He’s alone. So much is balanced on that man’s shoulders that his health is failing. And I’m terrified. Half the world away, I can’t do anything. I can’t cook for him, stay with him… help him in any way, shape, or form.

Except the stupid 5 minute phone calls I make to ask how he’s doing.

He’s my father. In my veins flow his blood. Anybody who knows my father and knows me never fails to comment that I’m a chip off his block. I don’t just look like him. I’ve got his personality traits. We may not talk, but I get him, I suspect, in the same way he gets me. Our father-daughter times, few in number, were always special and different from when he’s around my mother or my brother. I know. I can sense it.

Introverts connect more non-verbally than verbally. That’s the thing that my mother and my brother has trouble with, being extroverts that they are.

I think that’s why he’s had so much more success with raising me from a distance than my brother. Once you figured out how someone thinks and acts, it’s not difficult to understand what he/she’ll say or do even before the words are even uttered or the action carried through. It’s the little things.

So when I say I’m terrified…

I. Am. Terrified.

*sighs*

If anybody needs me, I’ll be reachable by email. ❤

Asexuality – Wynter’s Version

I had been wondering about making a post on this subject before, but seeing that it’s a small can holding rather large worms, I figured I’ll save it for down the road when there’s a reason for me to write upon this subject.

An Anonymous friend over at my Tumblr Page actually posed a question, so I figured, why not?

Here’s the Ask:

You’re asexual? I never knew…. least I don’t recall…. I know it can take forms varying between no sexual desire whatsoever to some along a ‘it depends’ lines, but, if you permit me to pry a little bit, how does it affect you, given that you have kids? Was it some sort of “I want kids but I don’t like sex but I’ll still have it to give kids?” or something else?

I certainly don’t mind the prying, or even consider it prying, when it comes to a question this genuine. In the last half-decade or so, terms have exploded across the spectrum as people try to find ways of truly defining themselves to others without leaving behind that obnoxious gray question mark – “Just what the hell do you mean you’re ‘insert-term-here’?

I only started explaining myself to people with the word “Asexual” three years ago.

So no sex? At all?

Teenagers with hormones firing at odd intervals, college students with too much access to heavy partying and being influenced/pressured by obnoxious individuals wanting to get a quick lay, and adults who are looking to share a part of themselves with someone who would accept them for who they are and being allowed to show their love… the idea that someone is “asexual” is typically the hardest one to accept, and sounds the weirdest.

How could you not like sex? I’ll come back to this in a bit.

For plenty of people, the idea of living without sex is inconceivable, especially since the media has taken on a new tank of strength to push/shove the message “Sex without consent freely given and without coercion is rape.”

I’m not sure how many Aexuals “freely grant consent” after that first initial “try” at it and realized “No, this isn’t for me. Thanks, but no thanks. Have a wonderful day.”

Yet for those of us calling ourselves “asexual,” that is pretty much the basic definition. It doesn’t make us a-romantic (although there are people who are both asexual and aromantic), nor does it mean we don’t *ahem* get horny. Some of us do. Since the question asked above is about me, let’s break me down for you.

I do get horny, when my hormones fluctuate through the cycle and I’m not overly stressed out (which is rare). It happens only twice a month, like clockwork, and the feeling lingers, generally, only for about ten or fifteen minutes.

Do I have sex? Yes, but for purposes that are a little bit more medical than “enjoyment.” I would elaborate, but it would (1) most likely gross some people out, and (2) reveal something about Bitworks I’m not comfortable revealing.

How does it [asexuality] affect you, given that you have kids?

It affects me a lot, walking into a relationship with the person that I did. Bitworks is “well known” for his high sexual drive during his younger years (think ages 12-19) – the escapades were rather numerous… some highly amusing. When the subject of us being a possibility arose after his now-ex-wife handed him a sturdy stack of divorce papers (the obtuse reasoning being that she was scared to death of Bitworks leaving her so she’ll leave him first instead… O.o;), we had long chats about “us” going forward – hopes, dreams, goals, where we see ourselves in X-number of years, etc.

Sex.

We have our similarities… and differences.

Did you know, in America at least, if a wife was to withhold sex from her husband for a period exceeding one year, he has the legal right to divorce her without too much repercussions (dependent upon how long the marriage had been in existence)? The same extends to husbands who withhold sex from their wives.

Well, sex once a year. Not too hard to manage, right?

Ah. No.

I wasn’t stupid enough to think an average man with an average sex-drive would jump for joy over this, much less a man with a higher-than-average sex drive. The running joke about this being an Irish/Scotsman thing is a long one (Look up “Under the Scotsman’s Kilt” and chuckle for a bit), but the issue is still very much there.

I wasn’t interested in the act of sexual intercourse. That’s going to clash with Bitworks and the idea of wanting a family. He really wanted children.

Did I want children?

It would be more accurate to say, “I didn’t not want children.”

Double negatives and English teachers rolling over in their graves aside, it was as true of a statement as I could make it. Children wasn’t an issue that determined my life. If children were to be in the picture, then they will be. If children weren’t, then I have other goals and pursuits in my life that I can dedicate myself to, such as writing.

Or finding the time to finally learn the art of doodling. And mastering Japanese. I would travel with Bitworks. Let our jobs take us to where it takes us – here, Europe, Asia, off-the-planet as the case may be.

But… the sex?

Let’s go back to the question I said I’ll get to: How could you not like sex?

I don’t have a reason to like it. My asexuality stems partly from a physical limitation. For me, the act of sexual intercourse is devoid of feeling. It doesn’t feel bad nor does it feel good. When you touch someone with your fingertips, you feel that someone there, as is the case when you touch an object, or stroke your hand through material with resistance (like water). When you touch air, you don’t necessarily feel anything. You might, if there was wind blowing hard enough to trigger the little hairs on your fingers to send a charge to your brain, but outside of that, air is a “non-feeling.”

It is rather hard to like something one cannot feel. I think the best word for this is… indifferent.

Doesn’t mean I’m against it. It just simply means that I don’t go for “quickies” – fucking for the sake of fucking. I live for the foreplay and afterplay, but the sex part is all for Bitworks. I just consider it part of the journey. I enjoy my intimacy a lot. Children entering the picture puts a heavy strain on that, but we manage even if it’s just a couple of times a month. Before any of our children reached the age of 4, however, we were lucky if we could be intimate a couple times a year.

So, how do we overcome this little, yet not-so-little, problem of asexual paired with a high-sex-drive heterosexual?

Obviously someone is going to have to compromise. Which party does this depends on the couple, but for us, it was Bitworks.

During the nuclear blow out of my life in 2007, my father gave me his advice that a woman shouldn’t just take a man’s word about “loving her” for eternity. Words are simple. It’s proving them that’s hard.

My father is a wise man. Unfortunately, his suggestion to the “test” wasn’t wise at all, and I threw his suggestion out the window the moment they fell from his lips.

I think, in the grand scope of a lot of things, that for a man willing to utter the words,

I, Bitworks, take you Wynter, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

… while knowing and accepting a woman he loved who identifies as an Asexual is quite possibly the biggest and hardest test of all. There is supposed to be sex in a marriage. That’s the whole point for some, especially the religious fanatics.

This is Bitworks’ answer when I worked myself into a frenzy that it wouldn’t work for more than a few years:

“I don’t care about the sex,” he said. “I care about holding you and spending time with you. Sex is great, but it’s not great enough for me to go find someone else.”

Can this work for other people? I don’t know. It works for us, but only because Bitworks can step back and put my needs before his. It’s not fair to ask people to do this. Only a person can offer to do it, so ultimately, it’s up to the individuals that make up a relationship.

I’m one of very few who got blessed. That’s all I can say. 🙂

I hope you find my answer satisfying, Anonymous, if you had chosen to click the link that pointed you over here.

And to my readers and followers, if you’ve made it through this whole post, thank you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask either over on Tumblr, in my Gmail, or in the comment section below. ❤

I bid you all good day. Summer is almost over. As the weather cools off and we gear up for the last quarter of the year and all the crazy that typically comes with it, be safe, be healthy, and be happy. Light a candle. Long days are going to give way to long nights. A candle may just be the thing to carry you over from one sunrise to another.

Much love from Yours Truly,

Wynter ❤